Vietnam 13: Scoots

The family had appointments this morning, so I was left alone. My jetlag, maintained by a healthy routine of 6am rousings, didn't let me over-sleep, but I did chill in bed, enjoying a few hours to be alone. I finally caught up on my blog, read several chapters, and deeply considered abandoning the family to chill solo on the beach. 

But apparently today's big event is seeing if Brice can survive scooters in VN! Nevermind. Of course I'm in. I can't study traffic flow for two weeks and skip the final exam. We loaded up, sister driving Lou on one scooter, while I followed on grandpa's motorbike (aka scooter with a shifter). It was great. Jockeying through traffic, deciding where to allow myself to be cut-off and where to be the aggressor... accelerating through intersections, scanning all the traffic while remaining locked to the red-and-black helmet ahead... all in all, easier than I thought it would be. And so much fun.  Broken rice for lunch, then back to the streets headed to Lou's old teacher's home* before weaving to a friends hotel**, ultimately heading home and claiming total victory. Mom was, of course, worried at home the whole time - but worried I'd be arrested, not dead, so that's some measure of trust.

Some notes on the Honda Cub: There's no manual clutch, merely some sort of centrifugal disengagement when the RPMs drop too low, so in order to change gears you kick the shifter hard. The shifter is "GP Shift" - meaning it's inverted from traditional shifting style (1N234 vs 5432N1). A bit weird off the line, but I quickly realized I could just leave it in 2nd or 3rd and it would do everything I asked. It might be a bit louder, but no worries about accidentally finding neutral while rolling into oncoming traffic (again). 109cc's were plenty of power for everything we were doing, and the only real complaint would be the front brakes, which were scarily spongy. I quickly learned to rely on the rear, and as long as I remembered to cover said rear everything was copacetic.

A very minor secondary complaint: The turn-signal made a loud BEEP BEEP BEEP sound whenever it was on, and since I was riding dirty (US M-licenses don't count in VN, and grandpa didn't bring his registration paperwork) I had to be careful to follow all the laws, including proper turn-signal usage.  All in all, quite fun, and very hot. Midday in Saigon, surrounded by engines and pavement, sun beating down... It definitely would be harder if I had to navigate at the same time, and I would have plotted more conservatives lines through some of the roundabouts/oncoming lanes, so shadowing another bike was awesome. 

*Looping back, Lou's teacher was well off. Still an open house, with no doors front or rear, but it was fenced and gated, with a garage beneath part of the house to park a car (or actually a handful of scooters). It was a beautiful house, filled with vases and wood carvings, and she put out a fruit plate for us. Despite having just stuffed myself at lunch, I forced myself to eat a few pieces to be polite.

**Lou's friend spoke English, all I remember is "Four hours of sleep isn't a vacation, that's a warzone"

Once we got home, Grandpa had cooked second (third?) lunch for us. As always, I forced down as much as I could to be polite. The pickled egg was only kinda gross, the fish delicious, and I flat-out refused the durian desert. The durian icecream was enough of an experience for that one.

After second-lunch it was nap-time, but having finally slept 8 hours for once, naps were not forthcoming. I was happy to grab a shower and enjoy the AC though, and around 5pm Lou had to run out to pick up something for her phone at the mobile store... and she came up with a great plan. Grandpa could drive me to get a "sexxxy masaaaaaage"! Oh hell no. I already wasn't into the idea, and the thought of having grandpa drop me off for such an occasion made my stomach curl. I refused to leave my futon despite Lou's pleading. Maybe I should have ran away... They say if you want to test a friendship, travel together. If you want to play on hard-mode, travel with a group that all speaks a language you don't.  I'm curious to see if we pass.


Three hours later, Lou was still not back from her quick run to the store.  I had finally caught up the blog and finished my book, so I went out to wander the streets. No goal, just seeing what there was to see. I walked a basic new-area route: a series of expanding figure 8s that range further and further abroad while doublechecking you can always find your way home.  A handful of bars and restaurants, kids playing in the street, all of whom would yell hello to the random white-boy. One even came up and introduced himself in surprisingly good English for a 7 yearold. [It was Ty, the kid we almost took to the tunnels a week ago!]  And of course, now that I'd given up on Lou coming home, she texted asking where I was, so we met back up at the house to go out for drinks.

Lou, her sister, and I wandered down the road to the local bar street, where I chose one of the few bars that didn't have music blasting at full volume. Lou was delighted that it was across the street from a bar that had sexy girrrrls dancing, and then we found out that our bar was actually an extension of that bar, and the sexy girrrrls would come over for birthdays and such, in that worldwide phenomenon of trying to embarrass the fuck out of whoever's birthday it is.  And now that these girls were closer.... they're rather tall, aren't they? And the proportions aren't quite right?

It's a ladyboy bar.  And of course the ladyboys are gonna notice the lone white-boy, and of course Lou is gonna video everything. I informed her that I would murder her if that video got out, and she apparently decided she was ready to shuffle off this mortal coil, since she immediately posted it to every mutual groupchat we had, in a race between a video of ladyboys stroking my leg and me banning her from them. Only two days left, thank god, because I'm pretty sure the US and VN have a mutual extradition treaty... Apart from the ritual humiliation, it was very enjoyable people-watching, some delicious spicy bar-snacks, and then we headed back to the apartment to sleep (with only half the lights on!) and a quick 4am bout of food poisoning.

Lou won the race :/