Christmas Cruise - Part 1

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Mother Farrell that all the family should take a cruise. And it every one went to his own city to prepare. And then we flew to Miami. 

Day 1: Boarding

Miami appears to be terrible. All of the billboards advertise Liquor, Hospitals, or Lawyers, which seems to tell a pretty complete story. Add to the mix a plurality of the drivers actively texting and our taxi driver who paid so little attention he had to lock the brakes on the 15-passenger van (with trailer!) to avoid stopped traffic on the highway, and I rate the entire city a pass. The only good part was some parkour at the hotel - but technically that was in Ft. Lauderdale - and that only lasted until our mother spotted us. (I'd have a video here, but Ethan managed not to fall into the cactus, so what's the point?)

The Port was huge, the cruise terminal for embarkation was massive, and the ship itself more comparable to a large building than any sort of vehicle - they're sort of sticking with a theme.  Not much interesting really happened until we got on the boat. The most excitement was Ethan getting searched by security... And I'm not saying that I had a pocket knife in my bag that was xray'ed right before his, but I will say I didn't stick around to see what happened.  After DEFINITELY NOT lying to the border agent ("Have you coughed in the last 36 hours?") we got to the boat it, squirted past the bevy of waiters offering drink / spa / excursion packages, and made our way to the pool deck where we rendezvoused with my uncle and his family. The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up, eating, attending mandatory safety training, and watching the boat set off down the channel. And, if you were my little brother, sprinting stern-ward down the deck in order to remain stationary relative an arbitrary point on shore.

About our boat: We were aboard Royal Caribbean's Majesty of the Seas.  If you will allow me to nerd out: It is 900 feet long, 100 feet wide, 13 decks  tall, and only 25 feet deep. It hosts 2800 passengers and 800 crew, and it is a diesel-electric capable of 22 knots courtesy of 22megawatts of power from 4 turbocharged 9-cylinder engines, each of which has a piston 16 inches across. If anyone ever has a line on one give me a ring, I would love one for an end-table.  

Dinner was Prime Rib (and probably other choices I didn't read), complete with all the appetizers and deserts you could eat, and a bottle of overpriced Malbec. We went to the welcome-to-the-boat presentation, which was an enjoyable preview of all the shows available on board, a general orientation, and an astonishing example of linguistic ability by our polyglot of a host. Rounding out the night were a few hands of Liars Poker, a tutorial on Craps at the onboard casino, and some time spent in the piano-bar (one of several drinking establishments on board).

Day 2: Christmas Eve in Nassau

The next morning we woke in the Bahamas, moored overlooking Nassau on the island of New Providence.  After a leisurely breakfast we disembarked, cross through a Customs station that was essentially a gauntlet of tourist traps, and set off into the city. Well, actually, we set off into another tourist trap called the straw market. After browsing the stalls Ethan tried his hand at haggling while I perused the counterfeit sunglasses on offer. Once Ethan had struck a deal and I'd decided against some kicking new shades, we set off to see the historical side of Nassau.  Following my mom's instructions we first found the Balcony House, the oldest wooden structure on the Island and built by shipwrights (and out of crashed ships when possible). It was a beautiful house, and the tour guides obligingly offered us the quarter-hour tour, where Ian Fleming (and Sean Connery?) had both stayed.

After Balcony House we moved on to Christ Church Cathedral. Also built by shipwrights (the ceiling looked like an inverted hull), the church was (re)built in 1754 in stone, and the practicing organist filled the nave with sound as we admired the architecture and stained glass. Outside the church, I finagled my camera past a fence to grab a shot of the gardens.

"Hold on guys, let me get this sunspot in the center. Just another hour or two."

At this point we started towards the Queen's Staircase and found ourselves a bit turned around... Luckily, while leaving a (slight) ghetto we stumbled into we stumbled into a tour guide! In as much as most of the locals know all the history and will gladly show you around for tips. Accepting his advice but declining his services we found ourselves at the Queen's Staircase.  The trench was cut as a quarry over the course of 18 years by slaves. My father pointed out, when you have that many slaves, you've got to keep them busy.  In 1793 after Queen Victoria abolished slavery in the Bahamas the slaves built the staircase and dedicated it in her honor, with 65 steps - one for each year of her reign. It's a great spot to visit, with shade, cool breezes, interesting rocks and vegetation, and a fountain series of pools next to the stairs.

At the top of the stairs lies Fort Fincastle. An entirely standard fort, we duly paid our 1 dollar entrance fee and got a short tour from a park ranger. After taking in the view from the roof and checking out the magazine the womenfolk headed out. The menfolk spent another 15 minutes aiming the enormous (a couple of tons, plus carriage) cannons on their rail system, sighting in on various cruise ships and guessing at ranges. Discussing afterwards, half the audience thought the fort was a little lackluster, while the other half declared it the best dollar they'd ever spent. I'll leave determining which half was which as an exercise for the reader.

My mom snapped this. I'm actually kind of proud.

We returned to the ship (via the sweet stairs, obvs) for lunch and to discuss afternoon plans.  Which can be found in another post.

Christmas Eve  on the cruise ship was the formal dinner. Suited and booted we gathered in the centrum (basically an atrium, only at the center) on a balcony a floor above the official photographer to get our Christmas pictures, not only cheaper but with a better shot as well. Dinner was great - as always.  The after-dinner entertainment was scheduled to be a comedian, but as he couldn't make it to the boat on time they replaced him with a few of the ships singers doing their favorites. They were quite good, but also quite different from what we had expected, and no-one was particularly upset when the show ended and we went back to the centrum to sing Christmas carols, and then back to the lounges to spend the rest of the evening chatting.

As the clock struck midnight we cast off from the pier and set off back into the Caribbean sea. We stayed on deck to watch the tugboats leave us and the lighthouse glide by in front of the moon, and then made our way below decks to our room, stopping briefly to admire the midnight buffet I was still too full to take advantage of.